Collection of Thoughts
by eine.hexe
Summary: a different prostitute and a predictable world.
1. The Prostitute

**Collection of Thoughts**

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_Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. Wish I did though... (who doesn't?)_

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**The Prostitute**

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Looking forwards and backwards, she nervously tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her neck. Was it okay? Was _this_ okay? Shaking her head, she wrapped her arms around her body, protecting herself from the evening chill. The city blared with life, but she felt alone. Sticking a hand in a pocket and holding a cigarette in the other, she crossed the street quickly, her heart pounding in her ears.

She didn't know why she felt this nervous. After all, it was her job. The job that brought her the money to take care of her old grandfather and her sickly brother. Perhaps it had something to do with the location.

She'd been asked to meet him in front of the new building on May Street.

Was this okay?

She looked down to her feet and scrunched her nose at her own worn out shoes and ripped red stockings. Not to mention the way too short skirt that hung to her hips perfectly, showing off her curves. But she'd had to wear a comfortable, red sweater against Kouga's rules. As much as she understood why he insisted that his girls wore shirts that showed a large amount of cleavage, the evening chill was enough to send her convulsing. So she'd made sure it was a sweater that was adequate enough as to show her smooth shoulders, but long enough to cover her hands so she could avoid gloves.

It didn't get any easier. It never did.

Glancing at her watch, she furrowed her brow and kept walking, the sound of her heels against the ground repeatedly slapping her eardrums.

He'd said his name was Inuyasha and that he wanted her to meet him in front of the new building on May Street. Wasn't this… suspicious? She could have easily found his apartment… why did he want to meet her in such a place? If her memory didn't fail her, May Street was the place for the strangest… accidents.

Shuddering, but not in fear, Kagome bit her lower lip as she kept walking.

Suddenly, she found herself in front of the building, facing a gorgeous man. Breath caught in her throat, she inspected him subtly. He was well-built with long, silver hair and… golden eyes? However, she caught herself quickly when she realized he was checking her out.

She walked up to him and raised her gaze to have it connect with his.

"Hey," he said, his voice a bit rough and hoarse, like he didn't want to be doing this, either.

She nodded without saying a word as she brought the cigarette to her lips and inhaled. Smoking didn't bring her the pleasure her friends had guaranteed, but now she found she couldn't stop. It was more than habit. It was a fact of life.

She caught him openly staring at her lips holding the cigarette in between and felt something akin to disgust.

_Another pig…_

"You want one?" she asked, her voice different somehow. Raising an eyebrow at the sound of her own voice, Kagome motioned towards the cigarette so he understood her point.

"Oh… no, thanks," he said quickly, as if realizing he'd been caught gawping. "Come on," he said, encouraging her to follow him. Trembling nervously, she trailed after him, not daring to say or do anything except stare at his back.

He was slightly weird, what with that red leather jacket of his and low cut, baggy jeans. He seemed to have style, because that horrible combination looked wonderful on him for some reason. Like he _owned_ it.

Kagome's hair insisted on misbehaving and she kept tucking it behind her ears, until it eventually fell completely out of her loose bun, so she had to undo it. When she brought her left hand to grab the cigarette from the right one so she could use it to scratch the right size of her neck, she caught sight of a purplish bruise on her left wrist. A dreadful feeling crept up her spine as she remembered what had caused the bruise. _Who_ had caused it.

_Sick people…_

She could only hope Inuyasha wasn't a sadist.

All too soon they arrived in front of an apartment block, a few blocks away from hers.

"I'm Inuyasha, by the way," he said from in front of her and stopped to lead her inside the block.

"I know," she said, deciding against the elevator. "Kouga told me."

She saw him frown at the mention of her boss's name, but didn't say anything.

The silence continued until even after they entered his apartment, when all she did was take off her shoes.

She stared at his clean bedroom and rubbed her arms nervously as she watched him look for something inside the drawers of the night table. He seemed so engrossed in his quest that she took it as a cue to stare shamelessly at his pictures and other stuff.

In some of the photos he was either hugging or kissing a girl that strangely resembled her. Did he have a girlfriend? A… wife, perhaps? Shrugging, she figured it should be none of her business. He was an adult; he could make decisions of his own.

"Aren't you gonna tell me your name?" he asked from behind her and she quickly whirled around, embarrassed that she'd been caught staring at his photos. Peering at the night table, she found she knew what he'd looked for. A condom.

She shook her head before curtly replying, "No."

Taking off her sweater slowly, she threw it on the floor and watched him frown and try to avoid his gaze from resting on her generous cleavage.

"Why not?"

His tone was brisk and somewhat tense, but she was unrelenting.

"It's against the rules."

"To tell me your name?" There was a permanent hostility in his words, a slightly irritated tinge to it, like he expected more from her and knew she couldn't give it to him, but tried to coax her into doing it anyway. It made her feel weird… it made her feel already naked.

This man didn't look like he wanted to urgently fuck her. Actually, he didn't look like he wanted her for this purpose at all.

"It's Kagome," she said, knowing she wouldn't get this done otherwise. "But don't tell my boss I told you."

Nodding with a sigh, he took off his jacket threw it next to her sweater. What was the matter? Why wasn't he undressing? Perhaps he wanted her naked first?

Kagome looked for an ash tray and left the cigarette there. Biting her lower lip, she started to take off her shirt when she heard a grunt.

"Don't."

Looking up at Inuyasha, she didn't know what to do. What did he want her to do?

"How old are you?" he asked, looking a bit flustered.

Frowning, she tried to understand what his game was. Maybe he got off on knowing random things about her?

"Twenty."

After a while, he was still sitting on the edge of the bed and she was still standing awkwardly, looking at him.

"So... am I staying?" she asked, unsure if he wanted her to leave or stay. He blinked up at her, but otherwise said nothing. "If not… could you give me some money for a taxi?" She didn't want to tell him her apartment was close by, but she really needed some money now.

Inuyasha didn't seem like a normal man, she decided. He looked miserable. Maybe he'd broken up with this girl from the photo and wanted to get her back now? Or maybe he was just… lonely. But he should have called someone, a friend, a relative.

"Do you live alone?" he asked suddenly, his eyes an unreadable mystery.

Oh no, he didn't! They _wouldn't_ go to her place!

Seeing her stumbling for words, he shook his head and flicked his hand. "No, we're staying here, don't worry."

Breathing in relief, she closed her eyes and fought off the tears. "Yes… with my grandfather and my... brother."

Souta, dear Souta. Was he going to die? Her heart hurt at the thought. The last thing innocent Souta needed to know was how his sister got the money they used to pay the bills and the food.

She'd been too young, too inexperienced to do anything else when her mother had died, leaving her the only one able to care for her old grandfather and ill brother. And now, when she could finally do something else, she couldn't get rid of Kouga. He'd threatened her four times already; she really didn't want to risk her grandfather or brother's lives.

"All right," Inuyasha replied gently.

"Are we going to start?" she asked impatiently, anxious to end this as soon as possible. The sooner the better. It was always like this for her. The feeling of helplessness, the outer body experience that she never welcomed. Would Inuyasha be rough? Would he be disgusting?

She shuddered involuntarily and looked away from him, waiting for his answer.

Words never came, but she saw him lift himself from the bed and step towards her.

She raised a hand and he stopped.

"The money," she said simply and he nodded. She seemed desperate for it. After she shoved it in the pocket of her dress, she nodded and he stepped further towards her.

It wasn't easy for him, either. He'd thought it was going to be very short and fulfilling – fucking a whore then forgetting all about her, but the moment he'd seen Kagome he'd realized she was a human being, just like him. He realized he couldn't use her and then just toss her as if she were an object. Against his will, he found himself wanting to please this miserable girl.

Jesus… she was pathetic. Beautiful, but pathetic.

What was her life like? Did she suffer much? She looked like she did. How had she ended up with a bastard like Kouga? There were so many questions that begged for a reply and Inuyasha wanted them all answered, but he knew she wouldn't engage in such a meaningless conversation.

Perhaps it was better to do it faster? After all, he'd decided to do it just to take his mind off his life. His break up with Kikyou. But somehow, this didn't matter anymore. That sly bitch wasn't worth mentioning or worrying over, but this girl, this broken girl was. She seemed lifeless, and somehow, this made him want to breathe life into her.

_Fuck, I'm getting soft…_

"All right," he heard her say as she slowly took off her stockings. God… she was gorgeous.

Already feeling his member start to harden upon the visual, he stifled a moan and approached her to undress her himself. He wanted to get a response out of her, to bring her some pleasure. It went beyond his reasoning.

She understood his intention and stepped out of her stockings as she ruffled her hair slightly. His tentative fingers traced her soft skin as he pulled the straps of her shirt off her shoulders, lowering his head and trailing hot lips on her smooth skin.

Kagome almost shivered, but she caught herself just in time and waited for his next move. He was gentle and passionate so she wouldn't have to worry about bruises or flesh wounds. It was comforting, but disturbing as well. Did this mean he would make her enjoy it?

Somehow, this thought scared her more than anything. She _couldn't_ enjoy it. She wasn't supposed to.

Inuyasha took her ear lobe between his teeth and bit it seductively as his fingers traveled down to her zipper and fumbled with it. Slowly, agonizingly, he took off her skirt and let it drop to the floor as he nibbled her collarbone. The shirt would have to go as well.

In his haze he hadn't noticed her take off his own shirt, but he didn't care.

As soon as they were both naked, he took a moment to look at her beautiful body. She had a few scars and he really didn't want to know the reason behind them, but otherwise, she was perfect. If he didn't know better, he would have said she was innocent.

Unwrapping the condom, he slid it on his rock-hard member and almost hissed in pleasure.

Squinting, he led her backwards to the bed and pressed her against the sheets, keeping his body painfully close to hers as his hands touched every inch of skin available.

It was a contest now, a war within to make this lifeless doll experience pleasure.

Her eyes closed tightly as he licked her breasts torturously, intently avoiding the nipples, before he finally bit the pink, erect nips. He watched with morbid fascination as she swallowed a pleasure-filled moan, averting her eyes and squeezing them shut.

So this was how it was going to be?

Determined, he trailed the tips of his fingers all along her body, coming to rest on her inner thighs that he rubbed tenderly, sensually. She almost looked in pain when his middle finger traced her moist inner folds.

She was already wet, wasn't she?

Somehow, this thought brought him a deep sense of satisfaction. It was the greatest pleasure he'd ever felt, if he could recall correctly, and this alone made him anxious to continue.

But on the other hand, he felt repulsed. Repulsed by his need to do this, and with a hooker no less. He could have easily called some of his fan girls – they followed him everywhere every time until he finally told them to fuck off. Then why had he felt the need to do this with someone he didn't know? Was this some kind of sick closure for him? It could be…

He sometimes dreamed of a perfect relationship, with an ideal woman that spent her mornings, days and nights in his bedroom, wearing his larger clothes and watching the sunrise with him. He could clearly see that perfect woman writhing under him in undeniable pleasure, desperately begging for more as he professed his carnal lust and passion for her. They would be tied by bonds stronger than any words… but these were all dreams, of course.

Somehow, he could easily think of this girl that tried with admirable desperation not to feel anything from this degrading act that should be divine, as that woman. She had that inner innocence to her, that spark he needed in his life. But she was empty… a shell, no longer to her full potential. He didn't need that... he didn't _want_ that.

But he _could_ bring her somewhere higher, even if she wanted it or not, and he _would_ do it.

Seeing he had no chance of bringing her on the verge of climax in this rhythm, he decided to cut the foreplay and hope _he_ would be enough for her to let herself go.

Her body was perfect; he felt physically drawn to her, but this wasn't all. He made her his goal. The probably unreachable goal of making her squirm with pleasure.

It was ridiculously ironic, really… how he offered all of himself to her, the woman he didn't know, begging for her to accept this gift and take it wholly. But she was seemingly paid not to feel anything.

No, that was not true, he corrected himself. She obviously _felt_ something, if her scrunched eyes and pursed lips were proof enough, but she stopped herself from expressing it. She rejected pleasure entirely.

Was it really so embarrassing for her to let herself go?

It probably was, he realized. She probably felt dirty… she probably felt lower than any living being. And truth was, she probably _was_ all those things.

In a fluid, graceful motion, he pushed himself inside her, filling her to the hilt, and he started with a slow rhythm that was sure to arouse her. He found himself lost in this pitiable girl that swallowed her own bliss in favor of maintaining stray bits of her so called dignity. Didn't she know she was lost?

She seemed to struggle on the sheets under his body weight, stirring new aches inside him. He couldn't see her eyes, but that was okay. He didn't need reasons now, didn't look for answers. All he wanted was the key to her body's secret… the slot to her passion.

He wanted her to touch him, to allow herself to feel him.

A few times he imagined he heard her moan, but wasn't sure if it was real or not. It could have been, but then again…

Implacable, Inuyasha repeatedly changed the pace, watching her brows furrow and her knuckles become white from the grip she had on the sheets around her. The bed screeched a few times, but they paid no mind to it. It looked like the walls wanted them to finish as they shook with massive restraint. Or so it seemed.

Even though it was obvious, he felt compelled to ask her, "Do you like it?" Pounding furiously but sensually inside her, he asked, "Tell me… do you like it?"

She remained silent however, but he didn't give up. Biting the side of her neck playfully, he slowed the movements but made sure they brought more contact, and he felt her quiver under him. For a few moments, he felt her walls constrict around him, but it could have been a simple spasm. Her face was as usual; he could tell her restraint was great, and he somehow admired her for this. She was denying herself something so gratifying. Something otherworldly. Something that was getting dangerously close to completion for him.

His mind became blank when he felt his member enveloped in a warm rush and he stilled against the silent body underneath him.

Breathing heavily, he left his lips hover above her shoulder as he tried to balance his breaths.

After a few long seconds, she squirmed awkwardly under him, making him snap his gaze up at her. Her read her uncomfortable expression and cocked an eyebrow.

"Could you…?"

He looked down to their still joined bodies and mumbled an apology before disentangling himself from her with a moan. Rolling his condom off, he watched her clumsily dress herself.

He'd failed, hadn't he? Perhaps he _had_ brought her over the edge, but he couldn't be certain of this, could he? This made him strangely miserable as he saw this girl pick up her sweater from next to his jacket and put it on quickly.

All of a sudden she was dressed and still standing, facing away from him. Clearing her throat as she didn't trust her raw voice, she whispered, "Can I use your bathroom?"

He nodded in reply, but realized she couldn't see it. "Sure," he told her, almost ashamed of his dejected tone.

After a while, she came out of the bathroom rummaging through her pockets and taking out a pack of cigarettes. Her fingers trembled slightly and she closed her eyes for a few seconds, before lazily dragging them open.

"Do you have a cigarette?" she asked him, hopeful, embarrassed, somewhat reluctant.

"No," he answered simply. Another failure.

She nodded. "Sure," she said. Offering him the slightest of smiles, she hurried out of the bedroom and fumbled in the darkness of his hallway. He vaguely heard the door open and close as he tried to sort his thoughts.

He felt stupid for wanting to please a whore. Didn't he know better? Scrunching his nose, he realized he really _was_ upset he hadn't made her give herself into him entirely, like any woman should do with the man she decides to let pleasure her. But she didn't want to be pleasured, did she? It was all business. Money.

Maybe this girl would never find her happiness. Maybe Kagome would never find pleasure. In some way, he felt guilty for taking pleasure in something she did not allow herself to. But he couldn't do anything about it. It was too late.

Perhaps he could ask Kouga some things about her, but would it be wise? Wouldn't it put her in danger?

No, it was better like this. Now he could start anew. He felt like he already forgot everything about Kikyou and her unfaithfulness, about his sorrows and failures. Inuyasha felt _new_.

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_**A/N: Okay, I am going to say this once. I will **_**not **_**continue this one. It's a oneshot from my 'collection of thoughts' with other similar, but not so similar oneshots that will come up soon. Hope you understood the depth. Even if to you it might seem shallow, to me it's not, for some reason.**_


	2. Yume

**Collection of Thoughts**

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_Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. Wish I did though... (who doesn't?)_

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**Yume  
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"I'll have a… give me two more minutes," he told the waitress and she nodded, a bit annoyed and even slightly afraid, but understanding the young, intriguing man. If anything, she knew he was probably waiting for someone.

Inuyasha was genuinely torn between choosing a beer and a coffee. Drinking beer would show _her_ that he was a man, but coffee would make him seem more like an adult. If he could, he would mix them to emphasize he was _both_. But he couldn't; he himself could realize it would be painfully obvious and embarrassing, but he had to make a good impression. For some God forsaken reason, Inuyasha wanted to impress this woman he'd never met and he would surely never meet again afterwards.

Gulping nervously, he looked around to check if she was there yet. Glancing at his watch, he scoffed at himself. _'15 minutes early. Pff… I'm pathetic.'_

Sighing, he signaled the waitress to come take his order. Without blinking, he told her, "I'll have a beer." Not bothering to ask for the brand since she'd already told him there was only one available, the short, red-dyed girl made her way between the tables to get him that beer.

Looking around, he wondered if beer was the better choice. _'Well… might as well give me some mental boost, too.'_

The short girl came back with a fake smile and a cold beer. He watched her cleavage as she bent to open the bottle. When she coughed discreetly, he knew he'd been caught. Somehow, he wasn't embarrassed, and she immediately read this in his cocky smirk.

But he was sixteen, and sexually frustrated. It didn't help at all that everyone – girls included – thought he was a freak of nature because of his very odd features, meaning his silver-white hair and his sparkling golden eyes. Not many people wanted to believe he was the same as they were, so he was usually shunned from social circles.

His mother had suggested hair dye and contact lenses when she'd seen how depressed he'd been one day, some time before her death, but he had vehemently refused such things. He would always be himself, he had decided, and that would never change. Whoever wanted to be close to him would know who he was from the beginning.

'_Where is she?'_

It was seven sharp and she wasn't there yet.

'_Makes sense… I'm sure she'll be here in a few minutes.'_

Letting the cold beer chill his throat and heartily enjoying the fresh sensation, Inuyasha sighed. Was this a good idea? Miroku said it was. But then again, that lecher thought anything related to sex was a good idea. Glaring at the beer as if it held the fault, he cursed his weird features for the thousandth time. Because of them he was still a virgin.

This was his last resort, and somehow, Inuyasha felt uncomfortable.

What type of a person was she? Miroku said she was very open to anything new… _'Even a freak like me?'_

She had to be, since she'd accepted the challenge without even knowing how he was. Partly, he was glad for Miroku's help. The pervert was his only friend, but he was a good guy.

Suddenly frowning and downing the rest of the beer in a generous gulp, he remembered he didn't know her name. Miroku had said, "She has no name."

So she was one of those who preferred to be mysterious, wasn't she?

He became so wrapped up in his musings that he didn't notice the bright red that flashed in front of his eyes. Next thing he knew, there was a female body sitting across the table. He looked upwards at her face and was momentarily stunned. Smiling subtly, this woman was breathtaking.

Everything seemed so damn hot, so he made to grab the bottle of beer only to notice it was already empty. He remembered his mind and grinned despite himself, just like a grown up. Sizing her up, he felt incredibly more aroused by her rather decent outfit. He'd thought she'd wear something revealing, but this was proof that she was conscious of the alluring sex appeal she oozed out of her pores without having to dress up like a slut.

"Hello," she said, her full lips parting slowly, smacking together after the word left her mouth. His eyes were drawn to her every move, but he awkwardly tried to control himself and show her that he could be as mature as she wanted him to be.

"I'm – "

"Inuyasha. I know." Her eyes shone with something raw, something he didn't quite understand yet, but he was sure he would, soon. "I've been waiting for you..."

Frowning, he looked around and wondered if this was indeed the woman Miroku had sent for him.

"For someone like you," he heard her add and his eyebrows shot upwards.

"What do you mean?"

She didn't respond immediately, but her eyes told him there was something on her mind.

"You're a virgin," she stated simply after a few long seconds.

Stuttering, he asked her, "I-is this your first time with – " Gods, this was so hard to say, "… someone like me?"

"Oh no," she said, her voice reassuring, "but you're exactly what I wanted you to be."

Feeling his cheeks heat up, he averted his eyes and tried to seem uninterested. What for, he couldn't figure.

"Well… I don't even know why you wanted to do this for Miroku. He's such a fucking lecher."

The waitress passed them and he caught her eyeing the mysterious woman. The short woman bit her lips lustfully, something that didn't escape Inuyasha's attention. So this no-name woman even had women lusting after her? It wasn't something to be surprised about – after all, she _was_ gorgeous – but it _was_ slightly disturbing.

The woman before him smiled knowingly at the now blushing waitress that hurried to get out of their sight. Redirecting her gaze to his, the she-who-had-no-name smirked lopsidedly.

"I imagine Miroku told you a few things about me."

At his nod, she continued, "I have no name." Her eyes kept his gaze on her face. There was something about her so strong that he almost felt his ribs smashed by the power of only one look from her. His insides churning, he kept inhaling ridiculous amounts of air so he wouldn't choke.

"I can be whoever you want me to be. Today, tonight, I'll be made for you." Her eyes bore deeply into his, stripping him of all sensibility.

There was something amazingly attractive about the way she spoke, the glint in her eyes.

"Let me teach you everything you need to know about yourself," she said, and he felt compelled to agree. He didn't even notice when they'd gotten out of the restaurant side by side, heading towards who-knew-where.

He felt like asking her where she was taking him, but the force and influence of her deep eyes weakened his resolve. Instead, he just let her take him wherever she wanted. He knew that no matter what, he'd always remember this stranger who made him weak with a simple look.

"Don't waste yourself," she said suddenly as she led him between some old buildings. New streets, alleyways he didn't recognize, houses and blocks he had no idea existed seemed to float around them. But they were somewhere else, higher, in search of an even deeper ascension.

The words that rolled off her tongue, the music that left her lips, it all sounded like some life advice, but much, much deeper.

"Whenever it feels like it gets too much, just wish for a door and find it. Open it and walk outside. Even if it's raining," she said, her words resounding, potent. Her words could bring him anything he wanted. "Especially if it's raining."

Inuyasha wished he could say something. Anything. He wished he could pretend not to be intrigued by this goddess that looked like she wanted to devour him outside-in. And for the life of him, he couldn't care.

Her sweet smile, it crawled its way into his soul. Reaching her hand to him, she warmed her features and let him catch a glimpse of who she was inside. What she was inside. Clasping his hand, she squeezed it and dragged him after her.

Suddenly, they came to an abandoned shrine that looked like it had not been frequented in over a century.

Eyes wide, Inuyasha felt a little bit uneasy. Were they to… do _that_ there?

"This was the shrine I always liked to come to," the woman disclosed, her eyes closed and a look of utter contentment on her face as she let the wind caress her tresses. Suddenly, there was a deep silence between the two as they both felt the sacred caress of the wind surrounding the shrine. "Yes…" he heard her moan in bewilderment.

"Have I told you," she said, her voice carried by the wind, "that it has no name?"

At this, Inuyasha shuddered. He asked, "What do you mean?"

"Years ago, they said it had been disgraced. The whole place could no longer be called holy." The young boy watched the woman grin lopsidedly, throwing her head back and biting her lower lip. She wrapped her arms around herself and began swaying on her feet while humming a low tune only she recognized.

"And that way, visitors were no longer allowed to consider this a place for prayer. They wouldn't say what happened or… all I know is my parents didn't allow me to come here until after I was an adult when they wouldn't have a say."

Her eyes twinkled as the sun began to set, leaving a burning trail on the ever darker sky.

"Did you know," she added, "that I still come to pray here?"

Inuyasha was confused. What was this woman trying to do? Talk him into becoming religious?

"What I'm trying to tell you, Inuyasha, is that we are only human. We cannot judge, we cannot blame. There is no doubt in my mind that this place is as holy as it was before, because it doesn't matter what someone did to it… it still remains a house for Kami."

Somehow, for a passing second, he felt like he understood what she meant.

"We don't want too much from this life, Inuyasha, but when we _do_ have real expectations, they just disappear from our minds faster than lightening. Convenient, is it not? Imagine if we were all taught how to _feel_."

So much passion, so much truth in that single word, that Inuyasha drowned in an all-consuming shiver.

Rubbing her arms to keep the chill away, the woman faced the boy that was slightly taller than she was despite their difference in age.

"This is what I want to show you. I want to teach you how to feel."

Entranced, he gazed openly at her enticing lips, never noticing the actual triumphant smirk.

"Come with me," she demanded, taking him by the wrist and dragging him behind her through a beautiful forest.

"I remember from when I was little," she whispered, but he could easily understand her due to his demonic hearing abilities. "Near the shrine there was a beautiful forest. And in this forest there was a river."

As if on cue, they reached a sight for sore eyes. The subtle whisper of the river was discreetly soothed by a bridge that rose above it. On each side of the bridge the wooden railing was intricate, but not overly so.

For Inuyasha it was something new. How had he missed all this? He was deeply fond of nature and had found quite a few places to spend time in, but somehow, the most beautiful and peaceful of them all had escaped him.

Turning awe-filled eyes towards the woman beside him, he noted her contemplative look, stunned by her ability to just tune everything out and become one with… well, anything she wanted to be one with.

She had no name… that's what she'd told him. That's what she'd told Miroku. It could be a wild guess or it could be the truth, but that had to be what she told everyone, in fact. As he watched her close her eyes again and let the sound of the forest envelop her, he wondered if she had any friends. If anyone knew her anymore.

She was a secret. She was a mystery…

"Today, I'm all yours," she told him, stepping on the bridge and waiting to see if he'd do the same. It was an unspoken challenge and a pivotal moment all at once. This would seal his fate. He would become a _man_ in every sense of the word.

It wasn't only about the act of intimacy they would surely engage in if he chose so, but the mental maturity, as well. She would show him heights never known to most men. Spiritual heights that most only dreamed of.

Without a trace of uncertainty, he stepped on the bridge as well, sealing their silent deal.

In a flash of color she was in his arms within moments. Surprised, the boy didn't dare loosen his grip on her and couldn't help but feel elated. He felt her nails bite into the fabric of his shirt, but he didn't care. He couldn't care.

She raised her chocolate gray eyes to his and he could see them smile on their own. They were happy and they spoke of _her_ happiness, a feeling that rubbed off on him instantly.

She had no name. This stranger, she wouldn't let him know her. But that was fine with him. That would be fine, as long as she showed him everything she'd promised. As long as he saw the world in her arms.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked her, as she seemed engrossed in unbuttoning his shirt.

"Shh. Don't talk," she advised, "_feel_."

Delicately brushing her lips against his neck, she showed him a glimpse of what he would receive. She was still working on his buttons, still letting her knuckled brush discreetly against his chest, his skin aflame.

"Lose yourself in me, in this feeling."

Words flowed from her very soul, but they didn't seem to be aware of that. It was as if she didn't spoke, but her heart did, and he could feel the deep, primal vibrations that sent the same message as her lips did.

"It doesn't matter if you love someone else," she told him, her lips enclosing on one of his nipples, dragging a whiny moan out of his throat, "Whatever you feel, it's always love. Don't ever doubt this wonderful feeling… that creeps its way up into your heart…" her talented hands unzipped his jeans and he gulped nervously. Raising her head to look at his expression, she smiled comfortingly, continuing as if she'd done nothing, "stealing everything you are every time you decide to give it. Giving yourself, it's your greatest freedom. Your greatest treasure." She pressed her clad against his bare chest and noted his shiver. "There is no such thing as a unique love, because love is infinite," she explained, her eyes suddenly growing serious as they regarded him. "You can always create more to give."

She wasn't a prostitute. For him, this woman was nothing more than a messenger of life. Someone who had been born to breathe life into others and to give them reasons to live.

He gasped when she bit his lobe and hardened instantly.

His hands refused to remain inactive anymore as he freed her from her top. Her breasts were perfect, but then again, everything about this woman was perfect. Almost afraid, he reached a hand and touched one of her nipples, feeling it harden under his fingertip. Amazed, he cupped the mound into his hand and caressed it gently.

"I don't want sexual gratification," she said, interrupting his motion, "It goes deeper than that, can't you see? If I had wanted that, I could have gone to any other man. You're an idiot if you don't think you're special."

Slapping his hand away, she molded her flawless body to his and proceeded to nibble his collarbone then the side of his neck all while tugging his jeans loose.

In a stream of passion, she pushed him backwards against the railing, but not hard enough that they'd fall in the river.

The aggressor soon became the prey as Inuyasha turned them around and she was forced to support herself on the railing clutching it tightly as he pressed against her, trying to unbutton her pants and slide them off her.

Eyes glinting, he pulled away and he asked, "Why am I special?" His voice was hoarse, but it made everything more erotic.

She didn't even think before she answered. "Because you can show me what I want."

"What _do_ you want?" he asked, intrigued by what this amazing creature could ever wish for. It seemed to him as if she had everything she wanted, as if her life was full of only achievement.

It didn't occur to Inuyasha that they were both naked and against a railing right now; he was too curious as to what she had to say.

"Kagome," she said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.

Confused, his eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

"I want the old Kagome back."

Tons of questions raced through his brain, but he decided to let her speak, let her explain herself. It was weird, how they were both naked and about to engage in more carnal activities and still, they had a profound level of serenity.

"Many, many years ago, there was a small child that visited the old shrine and believed that Kami would protect her from all evil. That little girl, she was always all smiles and heartfelt joy. She was a ray of sunshine for everyone around her, but one day, she became a shell. Her dream was stolen from her. I want to find that girl within me. I want my dream back," she revealed.

Kagome… _'So that's her name.'_

Without a reply, he intertwined their fingers slowly and kissed each of her knuckles then set the tangle that was their hands on the railing beside them. His whole body was trembling in innocent anticipation; he had an idea of what was to come, but he wasn't familiar with the act itself.

Serious, but calm, Kagome lowered her forehead on his chest and let them both enjoy their proximity. Wherever their skin touched, it sent electric tingles that aroused them further.

Guiding him into her, she whispered reassuring words as he gasped in pure, unadulterated pleasure. It was more than he could handle and he felt like pounding into her mercilessly, but the feel of her muscles around him combined with her soothing scent calmed him slightly.

She was the one with more experience and therefore, the one who set the awkward pace as they both sore to unimaginable heights.

She disentangled the remaining intertwined fingers and brought both her hands to the back of his neck, pulling him in for a mind-blowing kiss. Tongue against tongue, body against body, the world was all theirs for the moment. Unintentionally, the movement inside their mouth mimicked another movement down below, where their hips ground against each other, each time slower, harder, agonizingly more pleasurable.

Inuyasha trailed his claws on her nipples and watched in undisguised fascination as Kagome's body arched against his hand in hopes of feeling more of that touch. Somehow, she'd managed to make him feel knowledgeable, even though he was far from it.

Letting her upper body fall back, she was half suspended above the water, suddenly broking into a mad, satisfying laughter. Pushing her hips upward, she coaxed Inuyasha into increasing the speed of his thrusts. Inuyasha almost joined her in her ecstatic laughter, but the overwhelming sensations kept him silent.

Feeling closer to the brink, he worried he might climax before she did.

It was a confluence of souls, a secret sharing between two lonely hearts tied to the past. She wanted her life back and he wanted a life. Inuyasha knew for a fact that even if he didn't see her again he would pass on all her words of wisdom, pour all her feelings into every person that would ever need his help.

With a few sharp thrusts he emptied himself into her while vaguely feeling her muscles clamp around him. Suddenly spent, he supported his hands on the railing and listened to Kagome scream into the night. When she came down from the heights she'd reached, he watched her chest heaving with every breath she took before she straightened herself, suddenly uncomfortable in that odd position.

Her arms wrapped tightly around him and he heard her whisper her gratitude against his damp skin.

"Arigatou…"

This woman, this amazing creature flashed him a heart-stopping smile that almost brought him to his knees and he didn't even bother to dress up as he watched her do it, instead. She moved slowly, seemingly teasingly, but he knew better. She wanted to make the best of this moment.

What she'd done, he would never forget. She'd released him from his ignorance, from the shallow way he lived. He would never be the same. And somehow, in a way unknown to him, he had helped her, too, and he took great pride in this knowledge.

"I told you you were special," she said cheerfully with a wink. It was so dark he wondered if her human eyes could see him clearly, but the moon was shining more than usual.

Approaching him slowly, she was suddenly next to his still heated flesh, never touching him, but instead letting her breath tickle his neck.

"Don't forget me," she whispered into his ear as he closed his eyes and gave way to a content rumble. "Mm-hmm," he grumbled in reply, but she was already gone.

Eyes wide, he found he could still track her scent, but she'd already gotten pretty far.

The woman who had no name was gone, but her words were not forgotten. They would forever lie safely inside his mind. Had Kagome gotten what she wanted? It was a question that didn't even require an answer, because it was obvious. The way she'd felt in his arms, her uncontrollable, glorious laughter, the bright smile that adorned her face… they had all been his for a split second.

Maybe no one would believe him, but he'd been with an angel. Someone far too astonishing to be merely human. He would always tremble at the thought of her, he knew for sure.

He'd loved this woman for the little time they spent together; he'd been amazed by her, because she'd taught him it was okay to love unconditionally and then find some more love within oneself to give to another.

Inuyasha knew that she'd be with him all the time – when he woke up, when he walked, when he thought, and even whenever he slept.

Looking up, he saw that the sky was covered with thousands of stars, little sparks of light that brightened it. They didn't have names, only that distinctive flicker that made them seem alive.

She'd had no name, either... but now she did.

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**_A/N: All right... now a few things about the fic. First of all, I will _not _continue it. As a matter of fact, I will not continue any of the chapters from my Collection of Thoughts. This is the last time I'll say this._**

**_My inspiration came from a brilliant Romanian song you can find here:  
http: // www. youtube. com/ watch?v =AyvOz9977nw  
It's called 'Ea n-avea nume' (She had no name)_**

**_If you want the translation to the lyrics just send me a message :)_**

**_Hope you liked it._**


	3. The Tale of a Prostitute

**The Tale of a Prostitute**

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_Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. Wish I did though... (who doesn't?)_

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**_A/N: I haven't written a chapter for this collection in a long time, so I guess I could say I'm back. I think I should warn you, though, that the content of this chapter might be highly disturbing as it contains a main character's death and a description of a rather twisted relationship. Don't read if you don't think you can handle it.  
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He found me on a dark alley. It was night, the sky seemed torn open, it cried sadness. There were no clouds, that I remember. I was alone, scared, I was so young, and he was dashing. I should have seen it coming, I should have predicted he would be charming only to reveal his stubborn, arrogant self later, when I could not undo any of it. I should have realized it when I saw his expensive white suit and dark purple shirt. Do I regret it? Not at all…

My parents had broken up to divorce in a month. I was to choose between them, I could not. How could I? I was but 15, a raw, frail age. My universe had turned upside down, so I ran away from home. I didn't know what to expect, I didn't know what to make of the outside world, but I was confident that I would find my place in it. It was my revenge, I wanted to make my parents suffer. Selfish, I know, never did I think of my little brother Souta. He had to choose, too.

Then _he_ found me. He was 35. He had a smile that made my heart pound restlessly, he brought light into my darkened world. His silver hair was so soft, so shiny, and his eyes were golden. How could I not fall in love? Looking back now, I should have thought it over. His proposition, it sounded wrong even then, but I was a child. I was angry, upset, I felt dejected. Perhaps I wanted something that would make me forget.

I never once knew his real name. For me and for everyone else he was Inuyasha.

That night he seduced me. He charmed me with sweet words and praises, I was so young. Never once did I suspect what he intended to do with me, never once did I doubt his goal. Perhaps I was stupid, but I still do not regret it.

He told me he would cherish me forever, he said my parents deserved nothing for the way they forgot to think about my brother and I. Every little word that left his mouth was my treasure, he spoke from my soul. I didn't mind being alone with him in a room, the light was on, curtains were drawn, he even gave me champagne – my parents had never allowed me to drink champagne. It tasted so sweet. I felt light, perhaps I was dizzy.

His kisses were soft, his mouth seemed to have known mine since forever. I couldn't help those moans, all those gasps that escaped my lips. I think he enjoyed them thoroughly, he even told me so.

I was a virgin. When he slowly opened my shirt buttons, I trembled and bit my lip, but I didn't look away. He took my bruised mouth with his own as his hands found my naked breasts. Somehow, I didn't feel shame, I was content to just be his. At that time he was my savior, I owed him everything. That first night that made me trust him more than I trusted myself was enough for him to have my protective walls crumble to the ground at his feet. I was defenseless, I was all his and he loved it. I loved it, as well.

When he first entered me there was no promised pain, it felt wonderful. He told me I was one of those lucky ones, those that are blessed to only feel pleasure. It felt so good to hear those words come from Inuyasha's mouth. For some reason I was flattered. I kept panting, moaning as he thrust and thrust, we both loved it. I could feel it in the way his muscles twitched under my wandering fingers, in the twisted, yet spectacular smile he wore as his eyes remained shut. We were both caught up in that moment.

Perhaps I was a fool, but after that amazing experience I told him I loved him. It was such an important revelation from my part – I truly felt it. He didn't reply. For minutes we stared at each other, he stared at my lips, yet he didn't do anything. Then he smirked, I remember, and it was a cruel, twisted smirk that I mistakenly loved. Was I wrong in doing so? Perhaps.

I wish I could build a time machine and go back in time. I would change a lot of things. I wish it didn't end this way, because despite everything he made me go through, I still miss him. I wish he hadn't been so self-destructive.

Inuyasha told me then, after we'd known each other intimately for the first time, that I was the only one who'd ever made him feel that way. It might have been a lie, but up to this day I'm inclined to think differently. He loved me, in his own way, Inuyasha. He wasn't such a bad man, I loved him too.

If only things had been different.

After he had a taste of me he said, "You're going to be the best of them." Naturally, I didn't know what he was speaking of until a few days later, when I slept with a man for money for the first time. Somehow, Inuyasha convinced me it was right. Somehow, it didn't feel wrong, either. As long as I knew Inuyasha would be waiting for me at the end of it, I took it all happily. They were different, some were rough, others extremely gentle. Some never made me feel anything while others showed me pieces of their heaven. But no one felt like Inuyasha did. I truly loved him.

At night, after all those men, after all the money, all the screaming and writhing, Inuyasha would take me into his bed and erase their touch from my skin, replace them with his. He would trace my lips with his, lick my collarbone sensually, slowly, as he knew I liked it. Even now, after all this time, I can still feel his touch as if he were here. When they come for me, when they have me, I always have one request: could they nip and lick at my collarbone? It never does feel like his tongue or his lips, but it's close enough. As close as it will ever get if I close my eyes and imagine.

I've never meant for it to be like this, I've never planned to become a prostitute. And who would have thought that I would fall in love with the very man that introduced me to it? I was his, in every sense of the word – I belonged to Inuyasha.

Inuyasha, he had no respect for the body. He just didn't care. He wasn't jealous at all. As long as the heart was pure, as he called it, there was no need to keep the body away from pleasure. It was human, he used to say, and I went with it. Why wouldn't I, anyway? He was everything I knew, he was my knowledge of life. I owe everything I am to this man.

We never parted, we never had a real fight, only stubbornness-driven quarrels, but it was normal. We were like a couple, only that Inuyasha had me sell my body and I didn't really care how many women he had as long as he always came back to me, as long as I was the only one for him. He always made sure I knew it, because no matter what he did during the day, he always returned at night. I met his passion with my own, met his thrusts with my own, gave him my soul as he gave me his. We were really soulmates, regardless of how sick and twisted our relationship may seem. I loved him, truly, deeply, with my full, entire heart and he loved me as well. I could always see it in his words, read it from his molten eyes, hear it in the beating of his heart when I laid my head on his chest. Where did everything go wrong?

It was probably because Inuyasha didn't care. He never cared about anything other than me. He cared about my feelings, me being sad always made him sad as well. But he had no limits. Cars, drugs, money, drinks, sex. It was all about power, all about pushing himself to his limits. He was always testing the waters, always pressing on to see when he'd crack. A challenge of sorts.

That's what I regret. I got so caught up in his games, his careless attitude that – now I don't even want to think about it – I didn't see the signs. Sometimes he was so fucked up that I couldn't get through to him. He tripped almost daily, he didn't care about what happened to him. Why would he? In his vision, the body was something temporary.

I have a question, something that's been scorching my mind for a while now… did you really think that, Inuyasha? Did you really not care if you were to die and not see me again? Were you… were you really certain we would meet again?

April 16th 2001, Inuyasha OD'ed on ecstasy. It was… fatal. I'll remember that day for as long as I live, because my heart shattered into tiny, delicate pieces I haven't yet placed together when I realized I would never hear him talk again. In that moment, the only thing I could hope for was to see him smile once more. That special smile he reserved for me alone. I was to never see it again.

Inuyasha… why?

I like to think I gave you everything, I deceive myself thinking I would handle things differently if I was given another chance. Truth is, I don't know what I'd do. I wouldn't change becoming a prostitute, you made me enjoy my job. I wouldn't stop drinking to my heart's content, I took after you in this one. The only thing I always refused was drugs, but not you… you were the first to sell _and_ use them.

Again, why, Inuyasha?

No, I shouldn't ask silly questions. I'll live my life as you taught me, I won't mention you, you'll only be in my heart. I won't self-destruct, I won't self-mutilate, you did that too. Remember? Everyone always told you to fix your self-mutilating issue. I wish I had had more power over you. I miss you.

Now, Inuyasha, do you hear my heartbeat thump against my chest? The noise is light, even I can barely hear it, but I can feel the rhythm. My heart, it'll always beat for you until it stops. That day, Inuyasha, that day we'll be together again. It's sweet to think of it this way, I just hope you never forget me wherever you are.

This is exactly what you're suspecting. It's not a 'goodbye', it's not farewell. After all these years of being unable to, I'm letting you go.

Sayonara, Inuyasha, dearest, we'll meet again.


	4. Emotionally Blank

**Emotionally blank**

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_Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. Wish I did though... (who doesn't?)_

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**___A/N: Okay. I had a story from Kagome's pov and I figured I should have one from Inuyasha's, too. I don't know if I managed to portray the desired feelings, I can only hope. Enjoy and please review :)_**

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She rolls over on the bed, clutching the sheets to her chest, after all this time I still can't believe how sexy that makes her. I never want to say it out loud, but this woman will be my undoing. Every little gesture makes me tremble with a need so terrifying and something else, something hidden, and I don't want to know what this _fever_ is. But I'm done fooling myself, she and I can never be.

"When are you gonna stop paying?" she pouts, it's so adorable. This goddess wants me powerless at her feet, and I am, I truly am. Somehow I know I should hate myself for it. But I won't stop giving her money for her services, I can't allow myself to fall even deeper, I can't start believing this is anything else than what it is. It's her job, so she should be paid for it.

"When you'll be my wife," I answer grumpily, I can't help it, it hurts so much to know that can't come true. Fuck this world and fuck her job and fuck Onigumo. Why can't I just take her away from this place? Why is she so damn good and respects her promises?

She gathers her clothes, I know I've hit a sore spot. She knows she can't have a normal marriage like other girls do, I think it hurts her just as it hurts me. Am I an asshole for enjoying the knowledge? Maybe she should hurt more to understand how _I'm_ feeling. "Yeah, right," she says, trying to laugh it off, but I can see right through it. Truly, Kagome, when will you learn? I know you better than that.

"Then you got yourself an answer."

"You already have a wife," she counters with a frown, oh shit, I forgot I'd told her that lie. But it works now, doesn't it? It hurts her, then so be it. I'd wanted it to hurt her at the time, I still do.

"Do I?" I hope I didn't move a muscle while saying it, she can think whatever the hell she wants.

"You don't?" her brows furrow cutely, she's so confused I feel like taking her once again, but I don't, "You told me you did," and yes, I did tell her that.

"Why do you care?" It's always so easy to act cranky around her, I always taunt her.

"Inuyasha don't fuck with me. If you don't have a wife, then I'll-"

"What?" she can't possibly mean it, "Be my wife?" I snort, really Kagome, how much of a sadist are you? Do you enjoy watching me squirm?

She sighs, it's such a depressing sound, but at least she's experiencing part of my plight now, "Why do you always make me feel like such a whore?"

I give her a meaningful look, maybe, hopefully she takes it for what it is.

"Hm," she muses, unoffended, "You know, if you insist on giving me money, then you should know that this doesn't even begin to cover my rent." And we're back to this, back to being playful. Kagome, you have no idea how much this hurts me, but fine, okay, "Tough." I won't give you any more money, why should I?

But right now, right in this moment, the way she bites her lip unthinkingly, the way the sheets fell to the side exposing a dark nipple, her raven locks spread over on her shoulders, damn, it's harder than I thought to keep it in my pants… not that I'm wearing any. And what am I thinking, exactly? It's her job, I don't have to refrain my lust.

Not giving her time to think, I reach over and grab her nape so I can pull her into a hot, wet kiss. She doesn't object, I knew she wouldn't, as I pull the sheets and throw them off the bed, her bed that screeches with every movement, and I let her bite my earlobe, she knows how much it turns me on. She's a pro, I've got to admit, but I'm not bad myself. Her breasts are a perfect fit in my palms, she squirms in my hold, just like I knew she would. I groan when she grips me down below, just like she knew I would. All the positions in the book, we've done them.

It's never boring when it's with her, it's never without feeling, without ecstasy, that's what brings me back to her for seconds, for thirds… She's got me wrapped around her fingers.

"Inuyasha, baby," she moans, her voice cracks as I lick the flesh around her nipples, teasing, never letting her feel the pressure of my tongue against them. She arches her back, she wants it _sooo_ bad.

"I'll do everything, baby, just _please_," her voice darkens, I know it's me who's doing it and it never gets too old.

"Please what?" I taunt against her lips, her fleshy, pouting lips she bites every so often.

"I'm begging you to stop this torture, do you want me on my knees?" I grin, that's a pretty stupid question. I catch her gaze with mine, she's got to watch me do it. Slowly, agonizingly slowly even for me, I stick my tongue out and flick her protruding nipple, enjoying the rough texture, the erect bud. She tastes so natural, so fresh that I sometimes feel like fainting.

"The answer to your previous question," I drawl out between licks and nips, I've got her where I've wanted her, "is pretty obvious."

She smiles, I swear I can never get her, and pushes some hairs behind her ears. "Anything for you, baby," she utters suggestively and I swear I can't help my grin. Ceasing my actions, I support my whole body on my knees and wait for her patiently to get on hers. I close my eyes, knowing what it's to come, but still wanting to be surprised. And I am, the heat and moisture of her mouth surprises me, as it always does, when it engulfs my throbbing hardness. There's this intense battle inside me, battle of wills, but I can't let my wild side win, I won't hurt her. Instead, I let her set the pace, a hurried, stimulating pace and her mouth squeezes me so deliciously, but I don't want it to be over yet, it can't.

Different scenarios cross my mind now, everything's always unexpected when I'm with her. In my mind, she's really not a prostitute, she's really not giving me head at my request, I'm really not paying her for her services – we're just two normal people in a typical relationship. But shit, _fuck,_ that can never happen.

As always, my day-dreaming ends when I feel I can't take it anymore and stop her half-way to my orgasm. I'm already late, so I want us to finish together.

Despite my bitterness at the whole situation, I crack a smile when I notice how wet she's become. The kitten always gets excited when she sucks me, she doesn't hide it, either.

"Mm," she grins, licking her lips, _such_ a fucking sight, "What are you planning to do to me now, dog boy?"

Oh, the nickname. I can't help it if I'm just too good at doggy style, maybe she wants another demonstration?

"Turn around," I order, and she does it. In another world, in a fantasy life, she'd be arguing with me right now, she'd be protesting like a normal woman would. This one, the Kagome I know, she follows every order, every request. I can't change that, I get it, I'm _just a client._

Still, I like the sound of her moans when I bend her over, I relish the steam of our bodies, the heat as I pound into her from behind. I love the way she cries my name in pure, unadulterated ecstasy, she's only mine in these moments.

"Faster, baby," she says, but no, I want her to say Faster,_ Inuyasha,_ I want her to think about _me_ when I fuck her, I want her to know who she belongs to when we're like this.

"Fucking shit," I mutter when I finally realize how close we both are, so I slow down the pace.

"Inuyashaaa," she whines a complaint, trying to grind herself harder against me, but that delicious friction is gone.

"What?" I ask with an exceptionally hard thrust and I just know her heart's pounding madly right now.

"You're killing meee," she says lowly, throwing her head back as my rhythm is back to agonizingly slow. "Please, Inuyasha, faster."

"That's right," I mumble, finally doing us both a favor and picking up pace, "say it again."

"Faster, Inuyasha," she groans, touching her breasts, fuck, that's quite the view. Visuals always screw me over, so I know I'll be done in a few seconds, but I just want her to join me. I bite the skin of her back next to her spine lightly, knowing how much of a turn on it is for her, while my fingers incessantly rub her clit, she's helpless right now. I feel her squeezing around all over me, and next thing I know is I'm in this great place. I just can't get enough of it.

Tomorrow night I'll go back to just another one-stand, as always, but I know I'll come back to her, I can't stop coming. She knows it too. I'm addicted.

"Fuck, you're so damn good at that," she says, pushing the hair off her sweaty forehead. She leans over to place a kiss on my lips, but I can't let her do that, I can't let her own me more than she already does.

So I turn my head away, pretending to be bored.

"You're so cruel, you're always so cruel," she says with a sad voice I can never stand, but it's for the best. I'm doing this for both of us.

"Whatever," I say, "here," and I give her the money.

She takes it and puts it in a little chest, just like she always does. I know she's not going to use this money, but I won't stop giving it to her just because of that.

"Why are you trying to be such an asshole?" she asks weakly as I get dressed, she's upset again.

"It's no effort," I reply easily, I don't want her picking up on my real feelings. I'm okay with this, I have to be. I've put up with this for over half a year already, why should it get harder? It doesn't. It's always the same, it can't get any harder than this.

"Okay, when are you coming the next time?"

"I'm going on a business trip for a month."

I hear her gasp, but I don't want to acknowledge it. As far as I'm concerned, she has no right to be upset or offended. I told her about my feelings a couple of months ago, I found out they mirrored hers, but she just won't give up her promise. Well she can just take her promise and shove it somewhere.

"Will you be coming back at all?"

"I don't know, why? You gonna miss me?" I grin, I have to, I've been acting all cold and cool for about a month, told her I don't feel the same way about her anymore, and I can just hope she believes it.

"Nope," she says cheerfully, "it's you who's going to miss me," then she sticks out her tongue playfully, it's just something normal, but I can't help the way my breathing quickens, how my heart struggles inside my chest.

"Yeah, right," I snort, zipping my jeans. I'm doing my best to avoid her eyes right now.

My head starts hurting a bit when I hear her sigh deeply, then fumble around for something, "I was just hoping," she admits, so she still loves me?

It's fine, it's cool, it _really_ is. I can't help it, she's had her chance. Now I'm not sure I'd be willing to take her away from this place even if she wanted it. We've had our chance at happiness, yet she chose this twisted relationship instead. I can't help hating her for it, but I love her, too.

She is what she is, I can't change all that, and I've become a player and a workaholic, it's what I am now. She's changed us both, there's no hope for Kagome.

I watch her hum to herself, she covers her bitterness successfully, who am I to judge? I just wish that in another universe, another dimension there's the two of us being all happy and married and the whole package.

"See ya," I say before I slam the door shut behind me. I honestly don't know what'll become of the two of us, I wish I could say I didn't care. But as long as I'm okay with this, as long as I can accept it, then everything's fine. For us, this is what normal has become.


	5. Not Regular

**Not Regular**

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_**A/N: This is for Say0mi Saki who wondered if I'd have a chapter with Inuyasha as a prostitute next. Here it is. Thank you for your support honey :)**_

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The bar smelled heavily of sweat, alcohol and cologne. It was night time, you could tell by how crowded it was. There weren't many new faces, just the usuals. Still, the bartender had trouble with the orders, the weekends were always busier.

The man in red wore a perfect, sexy scowl that could make any woman desire him like no other. It wasn't meant to be a sex weapon, but it worked as one nonetheless. And it was even better that he didn't have to pretend to be a sweetheart with all his clients, most of them just drooled at the mere sight of him. As if he cared.

But the girl sitting right in front of him was a mystery. Maybe she didn't like him? That would be okay, everyone had different tastes, but he knew it wasn't the truth. Her spicy scent told him everything he needed to know about just how highly she thought of his appearance, so that wasn't a problem. He could tell, his demonic senses always came in handy in these kinds of situations.

Still, her enigmatic smile was deluding, did she know just how fucking interesting she was?

His falsely bored voice tore through the air between them as he explained his few – he considered – rules, "I don't do felching, I don't do anal, I don't do role playing, I don't do toys, I don't do crimescene sex,"

Her sweet, innocent voice cut through his monologue, "_Is_ there something you do?"

The man who wasn't exactly human smirked for the first time then, oh, what amazing teeth, "I can do _you_ if you want me to."

It was a line, what a pathetic one, what a common one, too, but she loved it. It made her tingle all over, even her bones shivered from the intense lust she was feeling, could he sense it? She'd heard from her friend Miroku that this one was best with these kinds of things. He was famous in the world of prostitutes, why did everyone say he was the most delicious? Maybe it was because he didn't look like he was enjoying himself so much, maybe because he was sulking all the time, maybe because he made every one of his clients touch heaven at least once.

She wanted to have a taste, so, so much.

"So how come you didn't talk to Kaguya?" he asked, a hostile eyebrow cocked upwards.

Kaguya, the beautiful, sarcastic madam. He was lucky to have such a resourceful woman taking care of the business, he always had so many clients because of her. She was an understanding one, too. When he said he didn't like a client, she didn't have him do the job, but made Miroku, his fellow colleague do it, he could screw anything female.

"She said I should talk to you," the woman answered, twirling a strand of her fair on her finger, did she have any idea how fucking gorgeous she was?

"Keh, damn right. So she's finally come to her senses, eh?" the man muttered, glaring at the beer in front of him. When she came in the bar and saw him for the first time, she knew he was a beer-guy.

"What do you mean?" It probably had to be a joke she couldn't take part in, but he shouldn't mention it if he wouldn't explain.

"Nothing, let's just say Kaguya's never had me talk to one of my clients beforehand."

_Clients._ Why did the word amuse and enchant her so much? Clients. It sounded as if they were doing business, and in a way, they were. It was pure business for him. He fucked, he got money in return. It was that simple.

Which is exactly what fascinated her. He seemed so raw, so unpolished. He was always quite grouchy, angry even. She didn't dream he'd be happy with the kind of life he had, but why so irritable?

"Do you need a name?" she asked, all of a sudden she felt very shy.

"Can't stop ya if you wanna give one to me," he said nonchalantly, and she wondered if he ever thought before speaking.

"Kagome," she said simply, smiling brightly. This threw him off for a moment, why did she seem so damn innocent all the time? He really hoped she wasn't one of those dreamy virgins that always blushed whenever he cracked a sexual joke. She didn't seem like one, was she?

He opened his mouth to give her his name, a name for a name, right? He should return the favor, but she beat him to it, "Inuyasha. I know. Miroku told me." And again that smile. That perfect-teeth smile that made him think there was either something seriously wrong with her or she was a v-i-r-g-i-n.

"So, do you like it hard?" he decided to try and embarrass her a little, maybe she'd show her true colors. There was nothing more that could impress him now, he feared nothing. Did he fear death? No, he did not. Did he fear humiliation? That, he most certainly did not fear.

"Not very often," was her earnest response that caught him off guard. There was no way she was a virgin, he concluded. It only meant she was one of those women who really had something special. Special. He didn't need that, didn't want that. He'd fallen for someone with something _special_ before; it was dangerous, because if it had happened once it could always happen the second time, too.

_Let's just get this over with._

His mind made the calls for him. Walk or talk or fuck. Or anything else that was useful or necessary in his life. He didn't rely on his heart anymore, the pesky little thing was too dangerous to let loose. So he hid it. He had many layers of clothing on him, but they didn't cover most of it, so he'd learned to lock it differently. He'd never, ever let anyone close to it again. And this girl was seriously close to it.

_Damn._

"Kagome, was it?"

"Mm-hmm." Her murmur coming straight from her throat. Kami, it sounded so much like a moan, he wanted to growl from the depths of his soul, she was that alluring.

"Let's get the hell out of here," he suggested, flashing his shallow, easy-to-see-through smirk that women loved so much. They didn't care it was fake, didn't show any signs of objection to anything he did.

"Inuyasha?"

"Mm?" he mimicked her earlier tone richness. This time a true smirk threatened to stretch across his face at the smell of the sudden spike in her scent, but he willed it back. So she wasn't immune to his charms like any other girl, was she?

"Don't smirk like that anymore," she said seriously and his face hardened. What did she mean?

He asked her that much.

"I know it's sexy as hell and I know that you know how much of a sex god you are when you do it," he almost coughed, "but it's not right. It's not… I mean I don't want something fake," she told him

Oh.

_Oh._

He swallowed thickly.

_That was awkward._

"Okay," he guessed.

So he couldn't just pretend with this one. Okay, fine, if she wanted it like that, she'd get it. She was the client, after all, Kagome was the one with the money.

_But is it safe?_

Inuyasha decided to ignore every little instinct he had and just enjoy this one time event. This woman was beautiful, she was witty, she was natural. He liked that, very much so, why shouldn't he take advantage? This time he allowed himself a true smile, a natural one that she caught, when had he smiled last? He truly didn't remember.

Figuring it would definitely surprise her, he grabbed the woman's delicate bracelet-adorned wrist, pulled some money out of his pocket – it was on him this time –fully intending to take her to his house. He'd never brought one of his clients to his house, what was different?

She was. Kagome was. This woman deserved so much better, why did she want to fuck him?

"Why are you doing this?" he asked all of a sudden, suddenly realizing she had yet to have a reaction to the abrupt way he'd taken her out of the bar. Minutes had passed and she had offered no resistance. Odd, indeed.

"Why am I doing what?"

He really hated these games.

"Why do you want to do this with me?" he asked briskly, enjoying the smooth texture of her skin as he dragged her after him.

"I'm... not quite sure," she offered simply and the raw honesty behind her words almost made him want to send her back home. But she'd chosen this, right? There was no turning back, right?

Well, of course there was.

"You know, you don't have to do this," he might have said it a bit too harsh, but she didn't seem to mind. She was quiet, quiet, just like she'd been the whole way, was she nervous? She didn't feel nervous to him, he didn't smell apprehension, so what could it be?

"It's not like you're forcing me into it. I believe I've reached an age when I can take decisions on my own," her voice was beautiful, too. So soothing, so mature. Too mature.

"Fine. Any requests?" Normally, he asked any client this question, it was standard. But why did he feel so uneasy about it?

"Huh? Oh, no, not really, I guess."

So this woman… what did she want?

"So you're not here for the sex?" he found himself asking. He couldn't have stopped his mouth from asking even if he'd glued his own lips together.

"Don't be an idiot, of course I'm here for the sex," she pouted, her brows furrowed, she was such a sight.

"Alright. I was worried I'd have to work too hard for a minute here," he joked, wanting to see that light he knew was in her eyes, but she just raised her amazingly deep gaze to look at him.

"Don't do anything you're uncomfortable doing," she surprised him by saying. Who was this girl?

"Don't be stupid, my job is to-"

"Fuck your job," she said suddenly, simply, her voice as plain as ever.

"Listen, I don't really mix business with pleasure," he really tried to ignore her sarcastic snort, "I really don't. Of course, yes, I get _that_ _kind_ of pleasure, but that's not _pleasure_-pleasure, you know?"

It was like something important had ended in her life, "Uh huh."

"Glad we got that covered," he muttered, frowning and averting his eyes. They were almost there. Almost th-

"We're here," he announced, fishing his keys out of his pocket. He cut straight to the point – inserted them into the keyhole and opened the door to his apartment. It wasn't big, wasn't anything special, but it worked for him. Most of the times. There were times when he aspired to something bigger, something more spacious, more comfortable, more modern.

"Nice place," she said with a genuine smile, he almost sighed. For a second it was hard for him to believe how relieved he was that she'd got her mood back. It was the first time in a long time when he realized that he hadn't really enjoyed having sex with someone – not since Kikyou. But he'd push this out of his mind, he had to.

"Yeah, it's okay I guess," he _guessed_. He always guessed, why was it that he wasn't certain of anything in his pathetic life?

"Right," she answered, tracing the frame of Kikyou's picture. He wanted to stop her, intended to, but on a second thought, why would he do that? It wasn't like he had anything to hide. Kikyou was just… dead.

Kagome didn't ask anything, he liked that. He liked that she was silent, he liked that she was still fully dressed, he liked that she didn't seem the type to jump in for sex. He hated those horny bitches, but he had to pleasure them _all the damn time_.

Time passed unknowingly as he stared at her fleshy lips, they were just so kissable. But he didn't want to start this desire-driven dance he knew so well, no, she deserved better. Maybe he'd start a conversation? But then again… maybe not. It was highly inappropriate in such a situation, wasn't it?

Kagome didn't pull away when he got closer and closer with each step, didn't stop him when he fiddled with the strap of her shirt, shivered noticeably when his breath toyed with the sensitive skin of her neck. She was feminine, amazingly so, he liked it very much. He'd had to fuck tomboys before, it had left him highly bitter.

Her hands came up in a smooth motion to wrap around his neck and pull him closer, the girl surely knew what she was going for.

"How many times have you done this before?" he asked her, without really thinking about it.

"How many have _you_?" she asked back, moaning when his tongue flicked out to tickle her, to taunt her every sense. Indeed, she was entirely aware of his manliness and couldn't help but to respond to the seductive signals his body emitted.

"Too many," his voice was barely above a whisper, but she still heard him. There was a bit of a draft, she noticed, and stilled when she couldn't feel his touch anymore. For no apparent reason, she didn't want to open her eyes, wouldn't come back down to earth. But his breath on her collarbone was as erotic as a touch, her hands found the dog ears that showed his true nature and caressed them sensually without really putting her mind into it. She let herself go, she let herself _go_.

Inuyasha shuddered. It was as terrifying as it was enthralling, he just couldn't stop. His hands found her hips, he brought her against him in a silky movement, he'd always been praised for being very smooth.

It felt more like they were lovers than a male prostitute and his client, was it wrong? Of course it was, when was anything ever right in his world?

Her clothes went off pretty quickly, he imagined she didn't mind – she smelled just as excited as he felt. His own were long gone when Kagome decided to make herself familiar with his neck and chest, trailing wet kisses everywhere she could reach. If he'd been aroused before, it was becoming painfully obvious how much he desired her now, but she certainly didn't mind.

He didn't whisper I love you because he didn't love her, she didn't answer because he hadn't said anything and because she didn't love him, either, but there was something that was keeping him from being cold to her and from keeping his cool, detached self lingering at the surface. He could be himself with her, it was becoming increasingly obvious.

"You're so fucking gorgeous," it was supposed to be a compliment, it was supposed to relieve him of some frustration, did she mind?

The hands that cupped his ass told him she didn't and he smiled against her lips with his eyes closed as he lowered her to the bed, to his bed. He hadn't shared his bed with anyone else but Kikyou until now. It sounded strange, deranged even to him, but he was glad he'd brought Kagome here, she was definitely different.

He had no future, there was no redemption for him, but he'd enjoy this, he'd cherish this.

"So fucking gorgeous," he repeated and licked the whole column of her throat when she couldn't respond. Her toes curled and uncurled, he found out that biting and sucking on them turned her on immensely. So he did, and he felt really special because of it – surely not many knew of this little kink.

"I'm gonna make you scream," he bragged, rubbing her wetness fervently, as if he'd die if he didn't.

"C-cocky… little… bastard," she managed to drawl out, her words caught between a sneer and an ecstasy-filled groan.

"Damn right I am," he replied, watching her intently as she tried to form words but nothing came through her lips he suddenly kissed.

She let him take her to those heights she'd wanted to reach, she let him spread her legs and place his body in between, she let him have her in a way no one had ever managed to. She was his for these few moments, and then she'd pay and she'd leave. It was as simple as that.

He felt perfect inside her, it amazed her how sinewy his thighs felt against hers as they rocked together, their pulse breaking previous records with every moment that passed. His lips, the heady quality of his scent, the way he could fuck her into oblivion, they all thrilled her.

The bed creaked with every thrust he gave, with every powerful movement, she thought she would break from the sheer pressure of it. Inuyasha seemed deep in concentration, his eyes were tightly closed as if he was seeking an epiphany, but he never ceased to caress her body into submission, to enchant her with more tenderness, with more maleness. His natural wildness. He was rough, his every gesture was rough, yet it made her climax, it made her inner walls contract around him, sending him into his own bliss. She allowed him to rest his forehead on her shoulder for a few minutes with their bodies still intimately entwined, just like real lovers would be.

It occurred to him that there wasn't any difference between an ordinary couple and what they'd just done, but no, he couldn't have that. He couldn't have it, she had to leave. She was his client, just that. They could never be anything else.

Frustratingly, he raised himself off her and put on his clothes, showing her she was no longer welcome inside his apartment. He wanted to regret this, but he didn't. He just hoped she didn't, either. Maybe they'd meet each other again, but he didn't think so.

"Thanks," she said, leaving the money on the night table, then proceeded to dress herself. It was hell for the few minutes she did this, there was a deep, unwelcome silence, too. Her steps resounded in his head until he heard the door slam shut. Then there was only the sound of the traffic outside and the humming that came from the appliances, words no longer mattered.


End file.
